Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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