After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
