just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
