there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
