So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
