did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
