Kiss
Puke
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
