Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
