Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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