Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
