well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
