I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
