You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I CAN MOONWALK!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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