and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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