At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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