Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
