I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
