I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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