dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
