the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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