can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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