I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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