Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
