New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
