Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
