Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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