mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
