Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
