omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
