I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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