I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
there is puke in my bra ... again
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
