Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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