So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Are my feet made of real feet?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
