There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
