Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
