I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
