Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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