I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
