there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
