i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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