Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
