youre lurking in front of me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need moral support for this bender
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
