Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
