hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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