What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
