shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
