Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
