u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
