Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
