Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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