i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
