I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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