Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize