nut hugger
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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